Mayhem at the Shimura Dojo
by dondakepan
Summary: Otae is hosting a party at the dojo! Chaos erupts as guests talk, drink, and of course fight. Everyone is invited, except for Kondo and the Shinsengumi, but they show up anyway. Please read and review!


Mayhem at the Shimura Dojo

The Shimura Dojo was filled with noise. Friends talking, fighting, drinking. It was Otae's idea to have the party considering she had captured and destroyed Kabukicho's top predator to all women. Her boss at the bar had given her quite a large bonus for taking care of the nasty pervert. She hadn't expected so many people to come, however. Especially the Shimsengumi. They brought trouble to wherever they traveled. She watched Kagura and Okita exchange punches and kicks.

"Take it outside!" She yelled angrily, in a sudden change of her calm demeanor. They were about to destroy her dojo. Kagura pushed Okita out the sliding door, just missing getting kicked in the face. They both landed with a loud thump onto the hard-packed dirt. Otae sighed. Looking around, her eyes rested on Gintoki and Hijikata. They were facing each other, sake bottles in their right hands.

"Ready," Gintoki slurred, trying to remain upright. Hijikata scowled and nodded. He too was leaning back and forth, very unsteady.

"One, two, three! Go!" They exclaimed together bringing the sake bottle to their lips and beginning to chug. Kondo was extra loud, cheering for Hijikata to win.

"Go Toshi! Go Toshi! Destroy the bastard!" He yelled, jumping up and down like a little kid and laughing at nothing in particular. He too was already somewhat gone. Otae's eyes blazed and she grabbed the container of cookies that someone had brought. It was metal.

"You're too loud, Gorilla!" With a hurl, she let fly the container which connected with the side of Kondo's head. The night was over for him and the noise of the room seemed to become quieter. Taking a deep breath, Otae sat back down. She enjoyed watching what everyone was doing as well as maintaining the peace within her dojo. Her eyes strayed to the far side of the room where she saw quite a disturbing site: Sa-chan was kissing her brother!

"Sa-chan! What the hell do you think you are doing to my brother?!" The Demon Queen approached, dripping with an aura of destruction and death. Sa-chan pulled away and looked up at her innocently.

"What are you talking about? This is my beloved Gin-san!" She turned away to continue to try and kiss Shinpachi.

"Onee-san, help me!" Shinpachi screamed, holding Sa-chan away from him. "I'm being suffocated! I tried to tell her that I wasn't Gin-san but she thought I was just messing with her!"

"Put your glasses on, bitch!" Otae screamed. Reaching down, she grabbed the ninja by the hair and dragged her away from her brother. Sa-chan yanked herself away and shoved at Otae.

"You're just jealous 'cause Gin-san likes me more!" The ninja got into a fighting stance and scowled darkly. The Shimura woman laughed and got into her own fighting stance.

"You have no idea how wrong you are Sa-chan." Otae said sweetly. "You will die here!" again her voice dripped with a deadly sweetness.

"Come on Otae-chan. No more fighting," said a quiet voice from behind her. Otae turned and smiled lovingly at her friend.

"Kyuu-chan! I'm so glad you made it! Kyaa! Look at how cute you are in that yukata! Did you pick this out yourself?" Kyuubei blushed a deep red and shook her head.

"Actually Ayumu had helped a little. He had insisted so much I finally decided to let him help me out." Ayumu was leaning in close to listen to their conversation. His face was bright and he was watching Kyuubei closely.

"You are beautiful, Master." He whispered into her ear. Both Kyuubei and Otae turned to him and attacked together. Ayumu went flying and took out Sa-chan with his body. They lay in a tangled heap on the floor at Shinpachi's feet. With wide eyes Shinpachi moved away and escaped to a safer part of the dojo. Otae and Kyuubei moved to sit at the kotatsu to talk for a while. Yamazaki passed them and paused.

"Thank you for having us, Otae-onee-san. We are really thankful." Yamazaki bowed and began to move away. He stopped at Otae's voice.

"Just make sure you keep your friends in check." Otae said calmly, looping her arm through Kyuubei's and turning away. Yamazaki nodded and made his way towards his vice-commander. There was legitimate fear in his heart as he sat down beside him.

"Ah…uhn…er, Vice-Commander?" Yamazaki cringed and flinched when Hijikata turned to him quickly. He was drunk, very drunk. Yamazaki sighed. This always happened when he got together with the Yorozuya boss; a contest to see who could hold their liquor better. Yamazaki wasn't going to be able to explain to the Vice-Commander what was going on. But he had to try, since Kondo was still unconscious.

"Vice-commander, the Captain is destroying public property fighting that Yato girl. The neighbors are complaining. At this rate they will find out that the Shinsengumi are here and are not doing anything about it. Could you please tell the Captain to stop?" Yamazaki waited for the explosion that was supposed to come. Instead he watched the Vice-Commander nod and get to his feet unsteadily. He stumbled to the door and cupped his hands to his mouth.

"Oi! Sougo! Stop flirtin' with the monster girl and get yer ass in here!" Hijikata turned away from the door and nearly fell down across from Gintoki.

"Les go again!" He slurred. Gintoki belched loudly and laughed.

"You don' know when to quit do ya?" he grumbled. Both of them turned to one of Otae's friends from the bar and shouted,

"More drink!" Yamazaki moved away from the drunken men and headed outside. _Thank you for nothing, Vice-Commander. That yell was not going to stop Okita and the red head._ The night was cool and Yamazaki could see that the yard was filled with more guests, some relaxing and others standing and talking. Yamazaki's eyes alighted on a man dressed as a pirate with and interesting looking pet beside him. Shinpachi was talking with him. It seemed like the conversation was pretty stimulating, the pirate shaking his head while Shinpachi waved his arms about and motioned for him to leave. _What's that about?_

"Ne, Shinpachi!" Yamazaki called, waving. "Who's your friend?" The man dressed as a pirate looked up quickly and took off to the back side of the dojo at a dead run, his pet waddling behind slowly. Yamazaki frowned, following them with his eyes.

"Is he alright?" he asked skeptically. Shinpachi laughed and nodded. He was leaning against the tree comfortably.

"He's shy, that's all. What are you doing Yamazaki?" Yamazaki shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm trying to do my job, keep the peace and all. But it seems your friend and Okita are at it again, disturbing the neighbors. Wanna help me take care of it?" Shinpachi laughed nervously and shook his head. Holding up his hands in defense he said,

"No thanks. I don't want to get in between their battle. It is most likely a battle to the death and I would rather not die today." Yamazaki nodded. He understood what it was that Shinpachi was saying, but he still had a job to do. Leaving Shinpachi, Yamazaki left the dojo and walked out into the street. There were overturned trashcans everywhere and one of the lamp poles was snapped in half, creating a dark shadow where there used t o be light. There were glass and metal shards all around too. _No wonder the neighbors were complaining. They feared for their own homes and probably their own lives._

"Captain!" he called. "Captain, you really should stop this. The neighbors are getting angry and you are destroying public property!" Yamazaki looked around. He couldn't hear anything, except for the noise of the party coming from the Shimura Dojo. Fear made Yamazaki's hair rise on the back of his neck and he turned around slowly to see two devils standing behind him, starring hungrily.

"AHHHH! NOOOO! Spare me!" Yamazaki yelled as their hands grabbed him and began to drag him away. "Vice-commander! Help! The Captain has activated sadist-mode and the monster girl has become his friend! The world is going to be destroyed! Vice-commander!!" Yamazaki's cries became quiet and the party continued into the night.

A few hours later…

Shinpachi watched as people stumbled away. _This was the worst idea ever_. He watched Okita and Kagura converse quietly with each other off in the corner, laughing sadistically together at some private joke. Yamazaki was nowhere to be seen. Gintoki was out cold against the far wall of the dojo, Hijikata laying in an odd position beside him, his face against the floor. Sa-chan and Ayumu were still unconscious in a heap in another corner of the room. Otae and Kyuubei were still talking as they sat by the kotatsu. Katsura was drunk on _something_ and leaning against Elizabeth who was motionless. He was telling a Joui story to Kondo who was once again conscious, drinking beside him and nodding. He was clearly watching Otae and not paying attention to his enemy's story.

The yard was a mess. A ninja in blue was sleeping in the tree, his arms and legs hanging down like he was a monkey. Otose and Catherine had returned hours earlier to the snack shop to run their own business. Shinpachi knew that there was going to be a lot to clean up but he was also happy that everyone seemed to have had a good time. He walked over to Hasegawa who was staring at the sky.

"Hello Hasegawa-san. Is everything alright?" Hasegawa looked at Shinpachi and sighed sadly.

"Ah, its times like these that I miss my wife even more. What am I but a madao? How can I provide for her if I don't have a job? I'm a loser, a good-for-nothing old man. I should just go off and die somewhere. Ah, ah, my life is so tragic." Shinpachi raised an eyebrow and shook his head. He had forgotten that this is what Hasegawa does when he's drunk. He crouched down and looked at Hasegawa squarely in the face.

"Listen, Hasegawa-san. When you start to talk like that you are just begging to fail in life. Try to think on the brighter side of things." Shinpachi smiled and patted Hasegawa on the shoulder. Hasegawa shook his head.

"No, no. There is no hope for me in this world. Your kind words are nice but that won't help me any. It's useless. I'm useless. Ah, I should just…"

Shinpachi was growing angrier and angrier as Hasegawa continued to speak about how bad his life was. Suddenly snapping, Shinpachi grabbed hold of Hasegawa and yelled,

"Fine! If you want to end yourself so badly, then I shall gladly assist you!" Shinpachi threw a heavy punch that landed on Hasegawa's face. The madao was unconscious and quiet, his trademark sunglasses broken. Breathing heavily Shinpachi collected himself and walked away. _Stupid old man_.

There was a little too much alcohol in everyone's system that night…

The next morning didn't seem to improve anyone's spirits either…except for maybe Otae and Kyuubei. And Okita and Kagura. The rest were just a mess.


End file.
